


Not her

by NighttimePhilosopher



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, jasper shows up but not really, ptsd warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-26
Updated: 2016-10-26
Packaged: 2018-08-27 03:43:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8385871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NighttimePhilosopher/pseuds/NighttimePhilosopher
Summary: It's not a good day for Lapis, which causes her to misinterpret something quite pinnacle for her friend.





	

It was already a bad day for Lapis.

She had woken up agitated from a bad dream that was uncomfortably realistic. A bad start to a day that could've gone fine. Sitting around thinking and doing nothing wasn't helping, she decided. Without bothering about her appearance, she had gone on a walk to clear her head, which had quickly turned into a fly around the area. She couldn't go near the sea, even though Jasper no longer resided under it. It was just too much today.

And that was okay, she reminded herself. Peridot would say that she had done great for even leaving the barn.

Lapis Lazuli took in as much sensory information as she could. From above the world, she didn't hear much but the wind whipping past her. It blanked any negative voices in her head. The blue of the sky, decorated with white gatherings of clouds, was so much better than the murky greens of the deep ocean. Even from up here, she could smell fast food from the boardwalk below. Anything better than the coating smell of certain quartz. Once she felt more positive by taking her mind off of her dream, the deep blue gem made her way back to her shared residence.

Upon reaching the large, sliding door, Lapis heard more than one voice. It seemed they had company.

There was laughing, and then a thwump that seemed to silence the two. Seeing as there was a lull in conversation, she decided to enter.

Opening the door and letting light in, Lapis was greeted by the sight of Amethyst and Peridot. Just that Amethyst was... on top of Peridot. And Peridot was underneath Amethyst. They didn't even notice her presence.

They had the weirdest looks about them. As Amethyst held herself over Peridot, she was wearing the softest gaze. Her cozy cheekbones sat higher to support her small but unmissable smile. A purple blush had a place on her cheeks and button nose. Her soft hair hid nothing, and neither did her purple eyes. It was pure adoration and maybe even love that she looked down at Peridot with. Her strong hands rested beside the green gem's frail shoulders, locking her in. Covered knees dug into the wooden floorboards and kept Peridot's hips in check.

Peridot lay under her. The technician looked surprised and anticipating. Her features showed she was feeling similar to Amethyst, and a blush owned her face. Her mouth was slightly parted, probably from the shock of the situation. She looked up at Amethyst with great acceptance and maybe even love. Her little green hand curled around Amethyst's thick wrist, looking to be lightly touching it affectionately.

It seemed that they had fallen. Had they been playing around? Dancing? ...Fighting? No. They hadn't been yelling. There had been a struggle. Had there been a struggle? If not, then why were they on the ground? Why was Peridot's left leg looking arched, as if she had once been in motion? Why was Amethyst not helping her up? 

The purple gem wasn't moving to get up. In fact, she was leaning down. Ever so slowly, her body arched to get her face closer to Peridot's, as if drawn in to the green gem by an unseen force. Her eyelids seemed to stay half-lidded and heavy. The closing distance meant that their faces grew brighter in colour with every passing second. Lapis feels like the quartz's hair has poofed with excitement. With thrill. With intent.

And then it wasn't soft, fluffy lavender hair anymore. It was a white, unruly mass. A vicious mane capable of tearing her form in two, leaving her gem at the quartz's mercy.

Amethyst continues to lower herself. Lapis can see the subtle muscles in her exposed purple arm maneuver in accordance to her movement. Lapis starts to picture red bands across orange skin. Different colours, same structure. Strong, powerful, challenging. Brutish, used to move, used to fight, used to grapple and hurt. To destroy and kill.

Lapis watches Peridot watch Amethyst. She looks...surprised. Excited. Restless. Fidgety. A little nervous, maybe? She isn't exactly wearing a smile, like the quartz is. She probably doesn't like being stuck under such an imposing force. It was very hard on Lapis, if Jasper ever fought strong enough to pin her down instead. Peridot appeared to be unfazed however. Her eyelids began to get heavier too. Was she tired?

Their noses are pretty much touching now. Peridot must feel Amethyst breathing on her. That must feel uncomfortable. The green gem probably feels swamped by her mane, which droops itself downwards off Amethyst's shoulder on one side. What about her scent? The quartz's aroma must be intoxicating, like mud and dirty clothes and seasalt and fish. It's so uncomfortable and disgusting and frightening and the water gem feels sick. 

It's Jasper. Not Amethyst. Jasper is kneeling there, pinning Peridot, looming over her like a predator. Jasper is watching over her, keeping her trapped, and grinning mercilessly all the while. Lapis can feel her presence and it causes anxiety to shoot within her. It was paralyzing and deafening, yet she felt hyperaware of everything. It was like _she_ was trapped under Amethyst, who was actually Jasper. She can feel that hair again, brushing up against her, touching her. The pressure of being held down by strong muscles is too real. Jasper's bright yellow eyes, piercing into her hatefully, and the leer of her angular gem. All she could see was her former fusion partner. Not the unthreatening,  purple gem that was actually there.

A quartz presses her lips to Peridot's and both pairs of eyes close. Lapis isn't sure which one it is she's seeing. The back of Peridot's head hits the floorboard with the gentlest thump, and one of them releases a sigh from their nose.

A first kiss to signify and confirm affection. That's what would have happened.

Instead, water captured and held down Amethyst forcefully, making her yelp. The purple gem struggled as chains curled and locked around her. It was like she was a master criminal, needing extra defenses to ensure she never escaped. The water was heavy, cold and drenching. A lockless chain hooked around her chest, and tethers to her arms kept her from grabbing or punching or squeezing anyone or anything. Her legs were held down so she could not stand.

Amethyst's face was not like hers. The striped quartz she had fused with grew angrier with every chain added, every precaution made. She'd bare fangs and her face would contort between different pained emotions. She'd try to grip Lapis everytime she came near, and squeeze her and hurt her. Jasper would do anything to hurt Lapis. Just as Lapis would do to Jasper. But Amethyst was not like her.

The much smaller gem showed fear. Lots of it. Her eyes were wide in panic and her mouth gasped for air that she didn't need. Her little hands splayed out, shaking too much from the pressure of the chains to try and remove them. Her booted feet kicked weakly. Her hair - which Lapis knew she could utilize as a weapon - lay damp and splayed under her. There was nothing she could do.

And Lapis took immense pleasure in being able to stop the quartz and break her will to fight. Fighting had trapped the blue gem in the past. Innocent people getting hurt had to stop. And she could do that by trapping her. Holding her with all her might. Not letting her control anyone anymore. Jasper was her prisoner now, and she wasn't letting go. For herself, for Peridot, for Steven...

"Lapis! What are you doing?! Stop it Lapis! LAPIS!! Please!"

Peridot was clinging to her, pleading with her. The dread was clear on her face. The green gem's front half was wet, as well as her hair - possibly from being so close to Amethyst before the purple gem was attacked. Peridot pushed at a firm blue arm which was held out towards her prisoner, manipulating the water. Lapis didn't even realise. She wasn't sure how long she had stood there, imposing her water abilities on Amethyst. How long Peridot had been pushing her, screaming at her.

It all hit her at once. Amethyst was not Jasper. The orange quartz was not here. It seemed very clear to the outside viewer, and at one point it was to Lapis too. But the visual similarities were too much. Amethyst's strong quartz build was visual stimuli that had awoken her trauma. And her position had made Lapis interpret her as much more dominant and aggressive than she actually was.  Her dream from early morning really did not help - it had seeped again into her waking mind. Jasper had seeped into her mind. And now _she_ was hurting an innocent gem. How could she have let this happen? How could Lapis have done this? 

Lapis released Amethyst quickly, and the water chains receded from her body, back into the tiny lake outside. Peridot ran to her side and held the purple gem tightly as she sat up, coughing. She whimpered into Amethyst's soaked mop of hair. The purple quartz trembled, and Lapis couldn't tell if it was because she was cold or afraid. With small but firm hands, Amethyst pushed her own soppy, weighted bangs out of her face. The movement revealed her deep purple eyes, staring straight at Lapis' guilty blue ones. 

Lapis had seen a similar look from Steven, back when she had first taken Jasper's hand. Mistrust and concern, swirling together and clashing. One positive, one negative. The water gem had to take a literal step back. She felt so ashamed, and then she saw these emotions in Amethyst.

Peridot had gotten to her feet and taken a few steps towards the water gem. There was hurt on her face, but also cautious pity. Lapis' roommate may have not seen the Jasper that had been on top of her, but she _had_ seen Lapis' blind and misguided lashing out. Peridot knew her well enough to know that she would not attack Amethyst on purpose, or without provocation. But it meant nothing, because Amethyst didn't know that. She didn't know anything about who Lapis was or how she felt. For all the purple gem knew, Lapis could have been plotting this the whole time.

"Lapis..." Amethyst coughed, and Peridot stopped in her tracks. Peridot's face showed she was bracing for hateful or accusing words. She was unwanting of a fight. Lapis was too. But after what the water gem had done, she deserved one. She had hurt another _again._ They all hung on the purple gem's words, because whatever she said would most likely decide the fate of the bonds between all three of them  "Are you...okay?"

Lapis was stuck where she was. Amethyst was asking her something. If she was okay. But Amethyst was the hurt one! Peridot turned her head back to Amethyst, and then darted it to Lapis, silently asking the question too. 

"I..." Lapis tried to start. She didn't know where to start. She wanted to apologize, but she wanted to answer Amethyst too. But she couldn't answer Amethyst, because she didn't know herself. Was she okay? There was no Jasper here. Only Peridot, Amethyst and Lapis. But she had threatened and attacked Amethyst. That was not okay. She was not okay.

Amidst her mini panic, Peridot found her hand. She guided her over to Amethyst and sat them down. The water gem shook her head and focused on the purple gem who was looking up at her. It was still the same, mistrust and concern. She wasn't fearful, Amethyst wasn't scared of her. But she was right to be a little wary of a gem who had tried to constrict her via water.

"Lapis." Amethyst said. The water gem noticed Peridot take one of her pudgy purple hands. Now the green gem possessed one of each of their hands,  linking them all together. "What happened?" her tone was sad.

Lapis looked away and hugged herself. "I-I saw Jasper. Jasper was you." she admitted. There was no point in lying.

Peridot tried to catch her gaze while Amethyst simply said "Oh."

"I'm so sorry." she apologized sincerely. She felt truly terrible for hurting Peridot's best friend and a member of Steven's family. A member of her own family now. 

They sat silently for a bit, still cooling down. It was awkward, but not crushing.

"W-We were playing." Amethyst said after a while. A little blush appeared on her face as she recalled, and on Peridot's too. "Just...stuffin' around. Wrestling, dancing...tickling..." she trailed off. Lapis looked at the suddenly sheepish pair.

"That-that explains the laughter I heard before I came in." she said, finding everything easing again. She was so thankful for their positive attitudes and change of topic, because it was helping her.

"Heh heh, yeah." Peridot chuckled embarrassedly,  looking at the hands in her lap. "Th-Then we tripped..." Amethyst looks away from the both of them. 

"And that's why you were under her?" Lapis quietly asked Peridot, since Amethyst was now not focusing on this conversation.

"Y-Yeah." the green gem stuttered.

Lapis notices their behaviour now and takes the time to remember what she had saw. From the sounds of it, they had spent a lot of time in close physical contact with each other. And when she saw the two, they were also very close physically. The looks they gave each other were strikingly similar to Ruby and Sapphire. And if Lapis removes the fear from the experience, she can pinpoint that the whole scene was actually very romantic. Was Amethyst going to kiss Peridot? Like on Camp Pining Hearts? Is that why they were acting that way? Were they...in love? It dawned on her that she prevented it from happening. 

"I... I, um, interrupted something, didn't I? Like, a moment between you."

"Hmm?" Amethyst looks back and folds her arms defensively. Lapis reads it as that she needs to elaborate.

"I mean-Were you and Peridot going to kiss?"

"L-Lapis!" Peridot shrieks, mortified. "You can't just say it like that!! You know that!!"

Amethyst is silently pouting and her face is a darker shade of purple. Lapis covers a small but true chuckle with her mouth.

"Well, now you know for sure that you like each other." Lapis says. 

Peridot seeths.

"You can try again, here. I don't mind." Now she just enjoys seeing them embarrassed. She grabs their heads "Now kiss."

"Lapis!" they both whine. She feels back to herself again.

* * *

 

Amethyst is leaving to go home.

"Hey, Amethyst." Lapis asks for the purple gem's attention.

Amethyst turns around. She's at the barn door. "Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry." She apologizes.

Amethyst makes her way over and attaches herself to Lapis at the waist due to her height. Her purple arms go round all of the way. Lapis appreciates that Amethyst is the softest, most loving quartz she knows. 

**Author's Note:**

> And that was 'Not her' aka 'Lapis accidently cockblocks'. Oh man I had so much fun with this one. Amedot and comparing Jasper and Amethyst, my two favourite things. I think I wrote Lapis very well too. Hope you enjoyed. I wrote this in one day, yay!
> 
> Imma mention NSFW for a bit, bare with me. You can ignore this if you want hah. Go leave a good review instead of reading the next bit. Please. Your opinion of me will go down.
> 
> I ruined this scene for myself and now i'm gonna ruin it for you. sorry, hah
> 
> ~'Opening the door and letting light in, Lapis was greeted by the sight of Amethyst and Peridot. Just that Amethyst was... on top of Peridot. And Peridot was underneath Amethyst. They didn't even notice her presence.'~
> 
> I was rereading over it and I just imagine them doing clothed tribbing i'm so sorry. Abn Lapis WAlks IN on tHEm ahhh
> 
> Just....Amethyst's head thrown back in bliss, eyes closed and mouth wide, panting. Loving the heck out of it. You can hear Peridot under her. And then feeling the light on her face and her eyes open and go wide. She still keeps doing it, however. You can't stop once you start. I have a dirty mind please help me.


End file.
